I'm tired...
I'm so tired of living here.
I admit I sometimes ask God to take me home...my real home. I'm tired of hatred and shallow, selfish love. I'm tired of distractions, bickering, arguing, yelling, profanity, lying, rudeness, materialism, promiscuity, shallow people, losing friends I thought were true to me, opposition, being excluded, crying nearly every day, dry wells of creativity, striving for something I can't reach, not being able to do what my heart's desire is, being limited by finances, meaningless education, broken families, shallow words...
I'm tired of dying inside, and having to be revived frequently as a result
My
awakening is tired of my sleep. My dreams are tired of my awakening. My awakening is tired of my dreams. My
sleep is tired of my awakening
I'm tired of not being heard. I'm tired at yelling my emotions at walls that don't talk back.
I'm tired of not being close to my Creator. I'm a foreigner here...this isn't where I belong. I have no citizenship here; My citizenship is in Heaven. I want so badly to be there right now. It can't come fast enough.
I have realized that the thing that upsets me the most, is people.
People make me cry
Because I pity them, I love them, I dislike them, I depend on them, I grow close to them, I yearn for them, I...
Need them.
Yes, I need them. I couldn't live without them.
And I'm scared for someone close to me to die, because I don't know how I'd handle it.
But I'd probably do what I usually do to vent...
Write, write, and write.
I have pictured in my mind how I would feel if all of a sudden, someone close to me left their earthly body.
We do need to be joyful that they met their Creator, but I don't know if I could see through to that for a long time through all the pain of a loss. It would feel permanent.
I've mourned over losses that haven't even occurred.
Just thinking of not ever again being able to see, talk to, or spend time with someone I'm close to makes me cry.
It's sad that just the thought of that does that to me.
I've realized though, that the best writers are those who pour out their true emotions into their writings. Who don't restrain from writing things just because their "audience" might not like it.
I believe experiences will get me there. It will bring out my writing style that I haven't fully discovered yet.
