Soaring Soul

Love that flies and soars
It fills the depths of my soul

I've been rejected by the world
And into his loving arms I've fled

I am lost in this craze
In this place I don't belong

It's a place I'm passing through
I'm a sojourner, ready to go home

I've dealt with pain in the greatest form
And I've had exceeding joy

Yet I haven't found
Where the end of the rope is

So that I can swing away
Into my eternal destiny

And I can soar
Like I was meant to do

Everyone's Obsessed

So, recently I've been reading Ted Dekker.
Yes, he doesn't have a very exciting style of writing
And yes, he can be off theologically in some of his books
But I'll give it to him that he can write a good story, and he's much better at that than I am.


Last night I was reading some more of his book titled, "Obsessed", and there was a part in it when the character Stephen goes to meet up a friend who owns an antique shop. (He really goes in because he wants to talk to him about the worth of a certain item that he's trying to get a hold of.)

The shop-keeper, Gerik, is selling a pocket watch for $3,000. Stephen asks him if the watch is really worth that much. Gerik goes on to tell him that an object's value is only as much as someone is willing to pay for it. He tells Stephen about people's obsessions with these objects. Gerik then tells him that we were made to obsess, just most people obsess over the wrong things.

I totally agree with this. Everyone has an obsession...an addiction.

I believe that the thing you spend most of your time thinking of and acting on is the very thing you're living for; It's your obsession.

That's hard to think of, because a lot of us spend our time on things that don't matter in terms of prospect.

What is hard for me to think of is how much time I spend on myself: Pleasing myself, entertaining myself, making sure I'm happy and that I'm satisfied with life.

I spend too much time thinking about how I feel about things, and not enough time thinking about other's feelings.

I spend too much time thinking about pleasing myself, instead of pleasing God.

As humans, it's natural to obsess...but just because it might be natural, it doesn't make it right when your obsession isn't turned toward what it should be.

But the word "obession" has bad connotations, and I'm not going to use that word when it's directed towards God....lets say "devotion."
We must be devoted to God, and not devote our lives to anything else.

Exodus 20:3 "You shall have no other gods before Me."


The value found in objects:

"No. 5, 1948" by Jackson Pollock

Sold for $140,000,000

This is the rarest and most valuable stamp in the world...it's called the "Tre Skilling Banco Yellow." Only one exists and it was sold for $2,300,000

This is the rarest comic book in the world.

It was sold for 12 cents in March of 1963 and now is worth over $40,000

Life...

I'm tired...

I'm so tired of living here.
I admit I sometimes ask God to take me home...my real home. I'm tired of hatred and shallow, selfish love. I'm tired of distractions, bickering, arguing, yelling, profanity, lying, rudeness, materialism, promiscuity, shallow people, losing friends I thought were true to me, opposition, being excluded, crying nearly every day, dry wells of creativity, striving for something I can't reach, not being able to do what my heart's desire is, being limited by finances, meaningless education, broken families, shallow words...

I'm tired of dying inside, and having to be revived frequently as a result

My
awakening is tired of my sleep. My dreams are tired of my awakening. My awakening is tired of my dreams. My
sleep is tired of my awakening

I'm tired of not being heard. I'm tired at yelling my emotions at walls that don't talk back.

I'm tired of not being close to my Creator. I'm a foreigner here...this isn't where I belong. I have no citizenship here; My citizenship is in Heaven. I want so badly to be there right now. It can't come fast enough.

Rambling

I have realized that the thing that upsets me the most, is people.
People make me cry
Because I pity them, I love them, I dislike them, I depend on them, I grow close to them, I yearn for them, I...

Need them.

Yes, I need them. I couldn't live without them.

And I'm scared for someone close to me to die, because I don't know how I'd handle it.
But I'd probably do what I usually do to vent...
Write, write, and write.

I have pictured in my mind how I would feel if all of a sudden, someone close to me left their earthly body.
We do need to be joyful that they met their Creator, but I don't know if I could see through to that for a long time through all the pain of a loss. It would feel permanent.

I've mourned over losses that haven't even occurred.

Just thinking of not ever again being able to see, talk to, or spend time with someone I'm close to makes me cry.

It's sad that just the thought of that does that to me.

I've realized though, that the best writers are those who pour out their true emotions into their writings. Who don't restrain from writing things just because their "audience" might not like it.

I believe experiences will get me there. It will bring out my writing style that I haven't fully discovered yet.

Poetic rambling I guess

Writing for the world
Writing for my soul
Yet nothing comes
And my paper is placid
Waiting to be ignited...

... I write sometimes
For the people who
Will read it when I'm gone
And I won't be gone
Once I'm old and withered
No, I've believed it to be
Sooner than we'd think
And I would rather
Depart from this life
Before I grow too old
And merely survive
Without a goal in mind
But just to gradually fade
That's my nightmare
And I cannot stay that long
So I will live this out frivolously
And make my journey look to skies
So that I will embark
On a journey without rest
And though I might run to the grave
I won't do it in vain
I will make a legacy
Not a worldly one
But a heavenly one