3...2...1... it's two zero zero nine
I know not what lies ahead
I can't know the time
Or this feeling I tread
But I feel this year
Will have a lot to do with love
This love, I cannot fear
For there's authority from above
My heart wants to grasp
That I will finally understand the feeling
Something that will make me gasp
Understanding the significance of kneeling
I want to know of the mutual loving connections
I want to explore it's pleasure
Though I pretend to gag at it's reflection
There's nothing more I'd rather treasure
I feel it's so far away
And yet right around the corner
I don't want my hopes about what may
But I can't settle with the former
What may happen will indeed
But still I pursue that hope
That unquenchable want to be freed
From what binds me, so here I grope
Feeling for what my heart desires
It's right in front of me
It's what my heart presently admires
Of what I can see, could truly be
I want something not of sap
Not made of cheap feelings merely
But rather to fill that gap
With something to cherish with God, dearly
Are we ever ready for that truth to be revealed?
I'm convinced were truly not worthy at all
Of what is desired for us in God's heart, it's sealed
At least from what we make of it, (He wants us to want to break down that wall)
[The wall of deceiphering what is love, what is real, what is true, what is the true deal]
That's just it, I can't deny
For I don't know what is the real truth
We can't ever possibly comply
...I find myself at a loss for a rhyme to one of the most significant words....is there any significance in any of our prespectives? We throw significant words around so often...they've lost their meanings. I can say, "Awesome" and no one will blink. I can say love....then about earthly relationships, they will think.
I can talk about God all I want, but what will come to mind is something abstract to our minds that we simply are not capable to comprehend.
We find ourselves wandering about, looking to feel significance...and what we settle with is temporary feelings.
If this wins me any credit of feeling significant...it won't last. Therefore, I do not write what will make me feel temporarily significant. It's a waste of time, if what I can feel is eternal...from God. Does that mean this has no significance in writing it?
That depends on one's own prespective....depending on who it is, this could be just a bunch of letters typed out from some teenager on a quest for significance...when I will never find it here. That is..especially if I start looking here...or even looking here at all.
Why do I write on here? Mainly for myself, to fulfill my pleasure of writing...my secret is out...but truly, I do feel I need to do this for God's glory. So let that be. Let Him take my pride, and relieve me of it, so that I will be freed from it.
If my citizenship is in heaven, why do I ever feel like all that matters in my life is what benefits myself here?
So God, truly, this is for You. If not ever before, this is sincere.
May I have not one resolution, but many, many of them. They are for you to plan out, not me this time... because I surrender this year to you.
Receive me...not the extra pieces that need to be stripped from me, but the true...me.
22.12.08
Sadness Attacks
With this poem I was working on personification...in this case I personify Sadness.
Sadness creeps around a tree
Looks unto me
Unarmed and helpless
Under the moons gleam
Exposes its unearthly appearance
I stare with feet adhered to the ground
I can't run from it anymore
My weakness, it has found
Sadness reaches through me
Locks its fingers onto my heart
I just gave it up
Sadness is now a part
I'm weak and helpless
I'm a hostage, there I lain
Sadness laughs shrilly at me
I cry with piercing pain
Sadness tugs my heart
Attempting to pull it free
With his vigorous talons
The pain weakens me
I fall to my knees
I cry out, "I will not trip
God help me arise to the fight!"
Then Sadness released his grip
Pain is relieved from my pulse
From my desperate prayer
It drove Sadness away
It gave him quite a scare
He ran back into the darkness
He tore for the shade of the trees
I looked until it was safe
Then I rose from my knees
Bloodied and battered
I find my knees tattered
But my heart resumes its pattern
Since it's now stronger, the pain mattered
Sadness creeps around a tree
Looks unto me
Unarmed and helpless
Under the moons gleam
Exposes its unearthly appearance
I stare with feet adhered to the ground
I can't run from it anymore
My weakness, it has found
Sadness reaches through me
Locks its fingers onto my heart
I just gave it up
Sadness is now a part
I'm weak and helpless
I'm a hostage, there I lain
Sadness laughs shrilly at me
I cry with piercing pain
Sadness tugs my heart
Attempting to pull it free
With his vigorous talons
The pain weakens me
I fall to my knees
I cry out, "I will not trip
God help me arise to the fight!"
Then Sadness released his grip
Pain is relieved from my pulse
From my desperate prayer
It drove Sadness away
It gave him quite a scare
He ran back into the darkness
He tore for the shade of the trees
I looked until it was safe
Then I rose from my knees
Bloodied and battered
I find my knees tattered
But my heart resumes its pattern
Since it's now stronger, the pain mattered
21.12.08
"Love" Is Indeed Blind
Love is abused day after day
We all throw it around
I love you
How does that sound?
'Oh dear, I've known you but a week
But I feel I've known you for years
I love you
Wilt thou wipe my tears?'
Have we forsaken it?
What have we made it?
Where is the substance?
Why did we trade it?
Love does not make one blind
On the contrary, it opens one's eyes
Indeed, it shows one where they lack
And is never made up of pathetic lies
Lies such as the 'love' part of it
Surely, one cannot fall in love without Him?
We will prosper with others alone
If you think about it, Love isn't that dim
Love can only mean something meaningful
And I will say again, never temporary
How can one say it will last forever
When you won't spend your life in eternity?
We all throw it around
I love you
How does that sound?
'Oh dear, I've known you but a week
But I feel I've known you for years
I love you
Wilt thou wipe my tears?'
Have we forsaken it?
What have we made it?
Where is the substance?
Why did we trade it?
Love does not make one blind
On the contrary, it opens one's eyes
Indeed, it shows one where they lack
And is never made up of pathetic lies
Lies such as the 'love' part of it
Surely, one cannot fall in love without Him?
We will prosper with others alone
If you think about it, Love isn't that dim
Love can only mean something meaningful
And I will say again, never temporary
How can one say it will last forever
When you won't spend your life in eternity?
18.12.08
How My Heart Got It's Hue
I wore moisture on my face
And you dried it clear
My tears were abundant
You considered them dear
I cried my eyes dry
You cried at the same time
You held me in Your arms
And your tears replaced mine
I had nothing left in my heart
So I gave it to You
You gladly accepted it
And said, "There's work to do".
You took it, You made it new
I received it, with now a red hue
And it was indeed repaired
Because it was filled with You
It was empty at one time
Now it's overflowing
Now my heart won't shrink
In fact, it is growing
And you dried it clear
My tears were abundant
You considered them dear
I cried my eyes dry
You cried at the same time
You held me in Your arms
And your tears replaced mine
I had nothing left in my heart
So I gave it to You
You gladly accepted it
And said, "There's work to do".
You took it, You made it new
I received it, with now a red hue
And it was indeed repaired
Because it was filled with You
It was empty at one time
Now it's overflowing
Now my heart won't shrink
In fact, it is growing
15.12.08
"Never do that to Me ever again"
When I was a little girl, I could not depart my mom or dad in public. That is because something happened that traumatized me.
I was about five years old, and we went to Bartle Hall where they were having an extravaganza of some sort. I didn't know why we were there, but there was many neat things there. I went along, holding my father's hand, marveling at all the neat things. I let go of his hand when we came to one certain place that especially caught my attention. I stood there marveling at it for the longest time, mezmerized. A lot of time must have passed, and I shook my thoughts to reality when I realized that my father had left me. I didn't care about the thing I was marveling at anymore, that was not important, because my father had left me, and I was lost. I tried looking through the crowd for him, but the crowds were so thick, it would be impossible. I sat there and cried my heart out for what seemed like hours, until a couple of ladies came up to me and asked, "Are you lost?" I looked at them through teary eyes and barely nodded my head. I don't remember telling them my father had left me, but one of them took my hand and started asking me questions about what he looked like. "Is he wearing a hat?", "Is he bald?" I remember them asking those questions. I almost opened my mouth to say no, when through the enormous crowds of people, I saw him. I released the woman's hand I held and ran to him. My mother was with him now, also trying to find me. She took me in her arms and we both cried and cried and she told me to never do that again. My parents turned to thank the women, but they were gone. They tried looking for them, but there were no where to be found.
For the longest time I could not leave my parents, even when they took me to church, I did not go to the childrens service, because I was afraid my parents would leave me. I did go to the childrens service a few times though, but when they didn't show up on time to pick me up, I panicked and thought they had left me, and I would cry as hard as I did when I got lost at Bartle Hall. I finally learned to trust they would not leave me, and I started going to the childrens service without fear when I was around ten years old.
In a sense though, I am still that way, but with another Father figure. Whenever I stray from God, I get lost and I literally cry out to Him. He takes me in His arms like my mother did that one day and says, "Never do that to Me ever again."
I was about five years old, and we went to Bartle Hall where they were having an extravaganza of some sort. I didn't know why we were there, but there was many neat things there. I went along, holding my father's hand, marveling at all the neat things. I let go of his hand when we came to one certain place that especially caught my attention. I stood there marveling at it for the longest time, mezmerized. A lot of time must have passed, and I shook my thoughts to reality when I realized that my father had left me. I didn't care about the thing I was marveling at anymore, that was not important, because my father had left me, and I was lost. I tried looking through the crowd for him, but the crowds were so thick, it would be impossible. I sat there and cried my heart out for what seemed like hours, until a couple of ladies came up to me and asked, "Are you lost?" I looked at them through teary eyes and barely nodded my head. I don't remember telling them my father had left me, but one of them took my hand and started asking me questions about what he looked like. "Is he wearing a hat?", "Is he bald?" I remember them asking those questions. I almost opened my mouth to say no, when through the enormous crowds of people, I saw him. I released the woman's hand I held and ran to him. My mother was with him now, also trying to find me. She took me in her arms and we both cried and cried and she told me to never do that again. My parents turned to thank the women, but they were gone. They tried looking for them, but there were no where to be found.
For the longest time I could not leave my parents, even when they took me to church, I did not go to the childrens service, because I was afraid my parents would leave me. I did go to the childrens service a few times though, but when they didn't show up on time to pick me up, I panicked and thought they had left me, and I would cry as hard as I did when I got lost at Bartle Hall. I finally learned to trust they would not leave me, and I started going to the childrens service without fear when I was around ten years old.
In a sense though, I am still that way, but with another Father figure. Whenever I stray from God, I get lost and I literally cry out to Him. He takes me in His arms like my mother did that one day and says, "Never do that to Me ever again."
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