3...2...1... it's two zero zero nine
I know not what lies ahead
I can't know the time
Or this feeling I tread
But I feel this year
Will have a lot to do with love
This love, I cannot fear
For there's authority from above
My heart wants to grasp
That I will finally understand the feeling
Something that will make me gasp
Understanding the significance of kneeling
I want to know of the mutual loving connections
I want to explore it's pleasure
Though I pretend to gag at it's reflection
There's nothing more I'd rather treasure
I feel it's so far away
And yet right around the corner
I don't want my hopes about what may
But I can't settle with the former
What may happen will indeed
But still I pursue that hope
That unquenchable want to be freed
From what binds me, so here I grope
Feeling for what my heart desires
It's right in front of me
It's what my heart presently admires
Of what I can see, could truly be
I want something not of sap
Not made of cheap feelings merely
But rather to fill that gap
With something to cherish with God, dearly
Are we ever ready for that truth to be revealed?
I'm convinced were truly not worthy at all
Of what is desired for us in God's heart, it's sealed
At least from what we make of it, (He wants us to want to break down that wall)
[The wall of deceiphering what is love, what is real, what is true, what is the true deal]
That's just it, I can't deny
For I don't know what is the real truth
We can't ever possibly comply
...I find myself at a loss for a rhyme to one of the most significant words....is there any significance in any of our prespectives? We throw significant words around so often...they've lost their meanings. I can say, "Awesome" and no one will blink. I can say love....then about earthly relationships, they will think.
I can talk about God all I want, but what will come to mind is something abstract to our minds that we simply are not capable to comprehend.
We find ourselves wandering about, looking to feel significance...and what we settle with is temporary feelings.
If this wins me any credit of feeling significant...it won't last. Therefore, I do not write what will make me feel temporarily significant. It's a waste of time, if what I can feel is eternal...from God. Does that mean this has no significance in writing it?
That depends on one's own prespective....depending on who it is, this could be just a bunch of letters typed out from some teenager on a quest for significance...when I will never find it here. That is..especially if I start looking here...or even looking here at all.
Why do I write on here? Mainly for myself, to fulfill my pleasure of writing...my secret is out...but truly, I do feel I need to do this for God's glory. So let that be. Let Him take my pride, and relieve me of it, so that I will be freed from it.
If my citizenship is in heaven, why do I ever feel like all that matters in my life is what benefits myself here?
So God, truly, this is for You. If not ever before, this is sincere.
May I have not one resolution, but many, many of them. They are for you to plan out, not me this time... because I surrender this year to you.
Receive me...not the extra pieces that need to be stripped from me, but the true...me.
22.12.08
Sadness Attacks
With this poem I was working on personification...in this case I personify Sadness.
Sadness creeps around a tree
Looks unto me
Unarmed and helpless
Under the moons gleam
Exposes its unearthly appearance
I stare with feet adhered to the ground
I can't run from it anymore
My weakness, it has found
Sadness reaches through me
Locks its fingers onto my heart
I just gave it up
Sadness is now a part
I'm weak and helpless
I'm a hostage, there I lain
Sadness laughs shrilly at me
I cry with piercing pain
Sadness tugs my heart
Attempting to pull it free
With his vigorous talons
The pain weakens me
I fall to my knees
I cry out, "I will not trip
God help me arise to the fight!"
Then Sadness released his grip
Pain is relieved from my pulse
From my desperate prayer
It drove Sadness away
It gave him quite a scare
He ran back into the darkness
He tore for the shade of the trees
I looked until it was safe
Then I rose from my knees
Bloodied and battered
I find my knees tattered
But my heart resumes its pattern
Since it's now stronger, the pain mattered
Sadness creeps around a tree
Looks unto me
Unarmed and helpless
Under the moons gleam
Exposes its unearthly appearance
I stare with feet adhered to the ground
I can't run from it anymore
My weakness, it has found
Sadness reaches through me
Locks its fingers onto my heart
I just gave it up
Sadness is now a part
I'm weak and helpless
I'm a hostage, there I lain
Sadness laughs shrilly at me
I cry with piercing pain
Sadness tugs my heart
Attempting to pull it free
With his vigorous talons
The pain weakens me
I fall to my knees
I cry out, "I will not trip
God help me arise to the fight!"
Then Sadness released his grip
Pain is relieved from my pulse
From my desperate prayer
It drove Sadness away
It gave him quite a scare
He ran back into the darkness
He tore for the shade of the trees
I looked until it was safe
Then I rose from my knees
Bloodied and battered
I find my knees tattered
But my heart resumes its pattern
Since it's now stronger, the pain mattered
21.12.08
"Love" Is Indeed Blind
Love is abused day after day
We all throw it around
I love you
How does that sound?
'Oh dear, I've known you but a week
But I feel I've known you for years
I love you
Wilt thou wipe my tears?'
Have we forsaken it?
What have we made it?
Where is the substance?
Why did we trade it?
Love does not make one blind
On the contrary, it opens one's eyes
Indeed, it shows one where they lack
And is never made up of pathetic lies
Lies such as the 'love' part of it
Surely, one cannot fall in love without Him?
We will prosper with others alone
If you think about it, Love isn't that dim
Love can only mean something meaningful
And I will say again, never temporary
How can one say it will last forever
When you won't spend your life in eternity?
We all throw it around
I love you
How does that sound?
'Oh dear, I've known you but a week
But I feel I've known you for years
I love you
Wilt thou wipe my tears?'
Have we forsaken it?
What have we made it?
Where is the substance?
Why did we trade it?
Love does not make one blind
On the contrary, it opens one's eyes
Indeed, it shows one where they lack
And is never made up of pathetic lies
Lies such as the 'love' part of it
Surely, one cannot fall in love without Him?
We will prosper with others alone
If you think about it, Love isn't that dim
Love can only mean something meaningful
And I will say again, never temporary
How can one say it will last forever
When you won't spend your life in eternity?
18.12.08
How My Heart Got It's Hue
I wore moisture on my face
And you dried it clear
My tears were abundant
You considered them dear
I cried my eyes dry
You cried at the same time
You held me in Your arms
And your tears replaced mine
I had nothing left in my heart
So I gave it to You
You gladly accepted it
And said, "There's work to do".
You took it, You made it new
I received it, with now a red hue
And it was indeed repaired
Because it was filled with You
It was empty at one time
Now it's overflowing
Now my heart won't shrink
In fact, it is growing
And you dried it clear
My tears were abundant
You considered them dear
I cried my eyes dry
You cried at the same time
You held me in Your arms
And your tears replaced mine
I had nothing left in my heart
So I gave it to You
You gladly accepted it
And said, "There's work to do".
You took it, You made it new
I received it, with now a red hue
And it was indeed repaired
Because it was filled with You
It was empty at one time
Now it's overflowing
Now my heart won't shrink
In fact, it is growing
15.12.08
"Never do that to Me ever again"
When I was a little girl, I could not depart my mom or dad in public. That is because something happened that traumatized me.
I was about five years old, and we went to Bartle Hall where they were having an extravaganza of some sort. I didn't know why we were there, but there was many neat things there. I went along, holding my father's hand, marveling at all the neat things. I let go of his hand when we came to one certain place that especially caught my attention. I stood there marveling at it for the longest time, mezmerized. A lot of time must have passed, and I shook my thoughts to reality when I realized that my father had left me. I didn't care about the thing I was marveling at anymore, that was not important, because my father had left me, and I was lost. I tried looking through the crowd for him, but the crowds were so thick, it would be impossible. I sat there and cried my heart out for what seemed like hours, until a couple of ladies came up to me and asked, "Are you lost?" I looked at them through teary eyes and barely nodded my head. I don't remember telling them my father had left me, but one of them took my hand and started asking me questions about what he looked like. "Is he wearing a hat?", "Is he bald?" I remember them asking those questions. I almost opened my mouth to say no, when through the enormous crowds of people, I saw him. I released the woman's hand I held and ran to him. My mother was with him now, also trying to find me. She took me in her arms and we both cried and cried and she told me to never do that again. My parents turned to thank the women, but they were gone. They tried looking for them, but there were no where to be found.
For the longest time I could not leave my parents, even when they took me to church, I did not go to the childrens service, because I was afraid my parents would leave me. I did go to the childrens service a few times though, but when they didn't show up on time to pick me up, I panicked and thought they had left me, and I would cry as hard as I did when I got lost at Bartle Hall. I finally learned to trust they would not leave me, and I started going to the childrens service without fear when I was around ten years old.
In a sense though, I am still that way, but with another Father figure. Whenever I stray from God, I get lost and I literally cry out to Him. He takes me in His arms like my mother did that one day and says, "Never do that to Me ever again."
I was about five years old, and we went to Bartle Hall where they were having an extravaganza of some sort. I didn't know why we were there, but there was many neat things there. I went along, holding my father's hand, marveling at all the neat things. I let go of his hand when we came to one certain place that especially caught my attention. I stood there marveling at it for the longest time, mezmerized. A lot of time must have passed, and I shook my thoughts to reality when I realized that my father had left me. I didn't care about the thing I was marveling at anymore, that was not important, because my father had left me, and I was lost. I tried looking through the crowd for him, but the crowds were so thick, it would be impossible. I sat there and cried my heart out for what seemed like hours, until a couple of ladies came up to me and asked, "Are you lost?" I looked at them through teary eyes and barely nodded my head. I don't remember telling them my father had left me, but one of them took my hand and started asking me questions about what he looked like. "Is he wearing a hat?", "Is he bald?" I remember them asking those questions. I almost opened my mouth to say no, when through the enormous crowds of people, I saw him. I released the woman's hand I held and ran to him. My mother was with him now, also trying to find me. She took me in her arms and we both cried and cried and she told me to never do that again. My parents turned to thank the women, but they were gone. They tried looking for them, but there were no where to be found.
For the longest time I could not leave my parents, even when they took me to church, I did not go to the childrens service, because I was afraid my parents would leave me. I did go to the childrens service a few times though, but when they didn't show up on time to pick me up, I panicked and thought they had left me, and I would cry as hard as I did when I got lost at Bartle Hall. I finally learned to trust they would not leave me, and I started going to the childrens service without fear when I was around ten years old.
In a sense though, I am still that way, but with another Father figure. Whenever I stray from God, I get lost and I literally cry out to Him. He takes me in His arms like my mother did that one day and says, "Never do that to Me ever again."
12.12.08
Autumn Pests
I wanted to practice with my imagery in my poems...this one I tried to incorporate vivid sounds, sights, and smells. Let me know how I did and what I should change.
A rustle of leaves, gliding on pavement
Scratching gently, proceeding carefully
Crunching leaves under my steady feet
The crisp wisps of burning leaves
Departing as frail ashes from golden flames
The flames spit the grey fragments
They float away with a secret grudge
Of burning away their once brown bodies
And silencing their crunching ability
The flames lick the air with complacency
The metallic fumes of oil reach my nostrils
Another tactic of ridding of these pests
The leaves discentigrate
Under a roaring machine
Sealing their fate
If I were to be a leaf
Which would I prefer?
To burn, then to be taken by the wind
Or to remain, but shredded to bits?
I know not this, but maybe the latter
A rustle of leaves, gliding on pavement
Scratching gently, proceeding carefully
Crunching leaves under my steady feet
The crisp wisps of burning leaves
Departing as frail ashes from golden flames
The flames spit the grey fragments
They float away with a secret grudge
Of burning away their once brown bodies
And silencing their crunching ability
The flames lick the air with complacency
The metallic fumes of oil reach my nostrils
Another tactic of ridding of these pests
The leaves discentigrate
Under a roaring machine
Sealing their fate
If I were to be a leaf
Which would I prefer?
To burn, then to be taken by the wind
Or to remain, but shredded to bits?
I know not this, but maybe the latter
11.12.08
In Flanders Field by John McCrae
This poem was written by a soldier after a war. I thought it was very interesting.
In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
7.12.08
Dearly Beloved Sister Of Mine...
I have carried your past
My tears have been vast
For I could not comprehend it
The sting came all too fast
My eyelids hide
The anguish inside
My heart feels as lead
My soul experiences a tide
Your pain lingers through me
Into your heart I see
The stinging the past reminded you
Of who you use to be
Hurt is lost in the past
It's already been cast
Don't let regret define the future
Let the truth contrast
Don't let the past dissolve
The deciphered truth of resolve
You need not linger in the past
Need not have your heart involved
Don't abandon your heart
From the past, let it part
Don't trickle tears from what is gone
Create for your future a start
Don't regret what you learn
For you have made a turn
What we learn benefits our futures
Make the future something you year
n
My tears have been vast
For I could not comprehend it
The sting came all too fast
My eyelids hide
The anguish inside
My heart feels as lead
My soul experiences a tide
Your pain lingers through me
Into your heart I see
The stinging the past reminded you
Of who you use to be
Hurt is lost in the past
It's already been cast
Don't let regret define the future
Let the truth contrast
Don't let the past dissolve
The deciphered truth of resolve
You need not linger in the past
Need not have your heart involved
Don't abandon your heart
From the past, let it part
Don't trickle tears from what is gone
Create for your future a start
Don't regret what you learn
For you have made a turn
What we learn benefits our futures
Make the future something you year
n
5.12.08
Simulated Love
I have found the topic I know needs to be discussed. That is simulated love. Too often I see it everywhere...people falling for the trick the world throws at them with being taken by a mere illusion of, "falling in love". Up to this point I have become utterly disgusted at the idea the world has come up with, distorting and perverting what true love is.
I can't bear to hear another perverse lyric composed in a song, not another perverse "love" scene in a movie, not another perverse picture of a woman in an advertisement, not another paragraph in a book describing the perverse sensations of what "love" feels like.
I will not attempt to define on here what real love is, because it is many things. I will stay on the subject of what it is not.
It is not mere feelings. It is not something you "fall into". It is not perverse. It is not sensual acts outside of marriage. It is not that "prince charming" with good looks who gives you butterflies. In fact, it is nothing to do with the outside appearance, and if it did, then why doesn't God reject the poor and needy without personal hygeine or expensive clothes?
Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7)
If no one on earth had eyes, what would we make of others outward conduct then?
I can't bear to hear another perverse lyric composed in a song, not another perverse "love" scene in a movie, not another perverse picture of a woman in an advertisement, not another paragraph in a book describing the perverse sensations of what "love" feels like.
I will not attempt to define on here what real love is, because it is many things. I will stay on the subject of what it is not.
It is not mere feelings. It is not something you "fall into". It is not perverse. It is not sensual acts outside of marriage. It is not that "prince charming" with good looks who gives you butterflies. In fact, it is nothing to do with the outside appearance, and if it did, then why doesn't God reject the poor and needy without personal hygeine or expensive clothes?
Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7)
If no one on earth had eyes, what would we make of others outward conduct then?
3.12.08
Love -- The Simulated vs. The Truth
I had many questions of Love
And I wanted the Truth
So instead of running to deceiving love
I ran to the truthful Love
For what truth would you find
In a composition of lies?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fools are the ones who turn from true love
Love, the most truthful
And yet deceiving
For I believe there are two different types
One is pretending
One is the Truth
The obvious difference is the time frame
For one love is eternal
The other is temporary
What is the only true love then?
Love with meaning
Could meaning imply something temporary?
True love can only be eternal
For what fool would think
That love, profoundly
Would be of a temporary time frame?
For what is meaningful, is indeed eternal
What can have meaning?
Can you find it here on earth?
Where is meaning?
Meaning can only be found if you look in the right place
Is this 'right place' here?
Where do I have to look to find it?
How long will it take to search it?
The right place is in your heart and mind
How shall I search my heart?
And what of my mind?
What shall I find?
He then said to me
To search it
You first inherit it
And to inherit it
You must first lose it
And when you lose it
Is when you truly shall inherit it
And what is this that I shall inherit?
Is it my mind?
My heart?
You shall inherit true Love
Which is only found through Me
And I wanted the Truth
So instead of running to deceiving love
I ran to the truthful Love
For what truth would you find
In a composition of lies?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fools are the ones who turn from true love
Love, the most truthful
And yet deceiving
For I believe there are two different types
One is pretending
One is the Truth
The obvious difference is the time frame
For one love is eternal
The other is temporary
What is the only true love then?
Love with meaning
Could meaning imply something temporary?
True love can only be eternal
For what fool would think
That love, profoundly
Would be of a temporary time frame?
For what is meaningful, is indeed eternal
What can have meaning?
Can you find it here on earth?
Where is meaning?
Meaning can only be found if you look in the right place
Is this 'right place' here?
Where do I have to look to find it?
How long will it take to search it?
The right place is in your heart and mind
How shall I search my heart?
And what of my mind?
What shall I find?
He then said to me
To search it
You first inherit it
And to inherit it
You must first lose it
And when you lose it
Is when you truly shall inherit it
And what is this that I shall inherit?
Is it my mind?
My heart?
You shall inherit true Love
Which is only found through Me
1.12.08
Bearing the heart of a child
With the slight chance that you have read my entry about my supernatural day, you probably have realized that God can change your heart if you let Him. I believe the hearts we should have are the hearts of children, yet with a magnificent twist. This is what this entry will be about.
Bearing the heart of a child, how are we to do that? I believe having the heart of a child means having unconditional love for God, and for others as well. But there are many things associated with that.
Matthew 22:37-39: Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself."
But how is that having the heart of the child? I'll tell you what I believe the qualities of a child's heart is that we should bear. I will explain these with the help of a little child I'm familiar with, her name is Abbie and she is three years old.
Bearing the heart of a child, how are we to do that? I believe having the heart of a child means having unconditional love for God, and for others as well. But there are many things associated with that.
Matthew 22:37-39: Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself."
But how is that having the heart of the child? I'll tell you what I believe the qualities of a child's heart is that we should bear. I will explain these with the help of a little child I'm familiar with, her name is Abbie and she is three years old.
- Unconditional love
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34 & 35)
"We love because he first loved us." (1 John 4:19)
Whenever I do something mean, intentionally or unintentionally to Abbie, she will cry and tell me that I am being mean. She makes me feel very bad, so I tell her I'm sorry and for her to forgive me. She immediately brightens up and gives me a hug and says, "Aww it's okay." As if I had never done anything to offend her.
Of course when someone does something, depending on the circumstances, we sometimes have to gain back trust from them; but nevertheless, we are to forgive them, even if the same trust is not there, which brings me onto the next thing.
- Forgiveness
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. (1 Peter 3:9)
As Paul wrote in Ephesians, we forgive because God forgives us. That's the whole reason we're called to forgive, and not just forgive others orally, but in our hearts, our minds, and our spirits. Forgiving others as Christ forgave us lifts a huge load off of us, because we can forgive others for their offenses, and we don't have to dwell on it anymore! Not forgiving someone is only going to bring hurt to your own heart, you're not infiltrating the heart of the person you need to forgive. We are certainly not to return that evil with our own evil, but with blessing. (Refer to 1 Peter 3:9.) Doesn't this sound like jibberish? If someone took my McDonalds ten dollar arch card and acted like a jerk, I'm not going to bless them! As ludicrious as it sounds, God would want us to bless them instead of curse them. Maybe not something like going up to them and saying, "God bless you." In spite of them. But in your own heart you must decide for yourself what would be the better option, to add to the fire, or to extinguish it. Most times we don't need to say or do anything, but to forgive them in our hearts and let God deal with them, and He will, but we are not to feel loathing on the inside while thinking, "God will get them." Because that is not bearing the true essence of forgiveness.
- Being pure in your speech
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29)
Me and my family have to hold our tongues in front of Abbie at times. We accidently say, "Shut up." or "Stupid" in front of her, and we do not want her to be saying those things. But we do not have to correct ourselves anymore. Whenever we accidently slip, and say "Stupid." She says, "Hey don't say stupid, say silly!!" Same with when we accidently say shut up. Haha, silly Abbie. But she knows it is wrong for her to say those things, because it does not sound nice, and does not, as the verse above says, "build others up according to their needs." and it does not, "benefit those who listen." I joke a lot with those words, but when I am serious with them, Abbie corrects me when I say them in front of her.
What comes out of your mouth has a lot to do with what is on your heart. So if you're not speaking as you should, you need to ask God to change your heart.
This also includes something many of us struggle with, and that is gossip. For the longest time I was told that if it's in a family, then there's nothing wrong with it. Sometimes, we should correct the ones who have brought us up, but of course with respect. I had to do that on the matter of gossiping. If what you say about someone is not something you could not say with them in the same conversation, then it is gossip. Many times I am tempted to say something about someone that I just can't believe they did, or what they said. Many times I have to hold my tongue, and sometimes I will forget about it altogether before I say it. I've struggled with this subject, with hearing so much of it from some of my friends and relatives. This is something very important though. Just think how you would feel if someone were saying something bad about you. Whenever I hear someone has been talking bad about me behind my back, it hurts me deeply. Which brings me onto my next subject.
- Practicing the Golden Rule
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 7:12)
Just think how things would be if we practiced this. Many times I have seen others acting with no care in the world in regards to how others feel, even the little things. Like how I was sitting in a certain seat, then someone comes and sits next to me, I leave, and then the buddy-buddy of that person comes and sits in that seat. It makes me feel like the person who came and sat next to me didn't give a care I was sitting there, because their buddy is much more important to sit with than I am. As you can see, people like me can take small things very personally. That situation did anger me, but it did teach me something, and that is how that person would feel if I did the same to them. I went and sat in another seat, next to one of my friends. She got up to get something, and someone with Abbie came by. There was empty seats on both sides of me, one with where my friend sat, and one where no one was occupying. The someone with Abbie says to themselves under their breath, "Is anyone sitting here? Oh well, they aren't now." Then to me, "Abbie is going to sit here next to you." I say, "OH NO SHE ISN'T. My friend is sitting there." And I sat Abbie on the other seat.
I'm not taking my situation as an example of how we should act, because my friend simply could have sat on the seat on the other side of me. I was using it as an illustration of how we can learn for ourselves what it is like to be treated bad, so we can know how it feels, therefore know how the person feels to be treated in that way, and therefore not treating them the way we would not want to be treated.
- Loving Unashamedly
"If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels." (Luke 9:26)
"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven. " (Matthew 10:32 & 33)
"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." (Proverbs 3:27)
Whenever I'm out in public with many people around, little Abbie is the same way she always is with her affection to me, even with many people watching, she hugs me and kisses just as she always does wherever we are. She is not ashamed with loving me, and it's a good feeling.
Have you ever had that feeling of being neglected? Ever been picked last on a team? Not being invited to a get-together with a bunch of your friends? No one likes feeling like that, neither does God. He doesn't like feeling left out of your life, and He does not like it when you are ashamed of Him, therefore leaving Him out. And when some subject is brought up and you know God wants you to say something, (Refer to the verse above) and instead you ignore that nudge from God, that in a way is being ashamed of God. How?
If someone tells you they do not like coffee, are you going to withhold the information that you like it because you know they don't like it? That sounds ridiculous. In most cases people will express that they like coffee, because they are not ashamed to say it. In the same way, we should be bold when we express what we feel when it comes to subjects that we know we need to say something that God wants us to say.
I did not write this to consult you or to correct you, but to inform you with valuable information. I do not mean to convey the message with the reason that I bear all these qualities, which if you knew me it would be obvious that I do not, but I believe these things are qualities we should all bear. If you read this, I hope you got something out of it, and I'm thankful you took your time to read it.
I would strongly appreciate comments, suggestions, or even constructive criticism.
30.11.08
Running On Icy Terrain
I felt something in my heart today, that I feel very often. That is discouragement. I feel I'm doing all I can to serve God, but I'm not going anywhere. I have seeked out every opportunity to serve God that I can find, but I feel like I'm running on ice, not getting anywhere, and what I fear is that I will eventually give up and fall through the ice. But this feeling in a way benefits me, because I know that I can't be lazy with any opportunity, and if I am, then I will find myself running on ice. I think the reason God hasn't showed me how he wants me to change the world, is because he's still preparing my heart. This discouragement I feel is apart of it, because when you serve God, it can be hard not to get discouraged, but if you do, that's when you step onto the icy terrain. I can see that God is still preparing my heart to dedicate my life to what I will be doing to serve Him later.
Discouragement is one of those things where you have a split decision. Either you will decide you're worthless in what you are doing, or you will keep on serving God. If you haven't received that call from God with where He wants you serving, then He is still preparing your heart, and every soul counts. If you keep on serving God, and get past the slippery terrain illusion that discouragement gives you, God will change your heart.
That is my trouble, discouragement. But what we need to know is that when you serve God, you're not running on ice, but you're running to the other side of the earth and back, constantly. I've found that to be true, because my heart is way more given to serving others than it has been in the past, because I kept on serving God, and if you have the heart of a servant, with God, you can change the world.
I pray that anyone who reads this, that God will change their hearts, and that the hearts of those servants will be more and more dedicated to serving God and changing the world each time they do an act serving God. And not putting on a show for others, but working behind the scenes for God, not expecting any pats on the back from others.
Don't ever get discouraged and feel like you've stepped on icy terrain, because when you serve God, you're doing laps around the world.
Discouragement is one of those things where you have a split decision. Either you will decide you're worthless in what you are doing, or you will keep on serving God. If you haven't received that call from God with where He wants you serving, then He is still preparing your heart, and every soul counts. If you keep on serving God, and get past the slippery terrain illusion that discouragement gives you, God will change your heart.
That is my trouble, discouragement. But what we need to know is that when you serve God, you're not running on ice, but you're running to the other side of the earth and back, constantly. I've found that to be true, because my heart is way more given to serving others than it has been in the past, because I kept on serving God, and if you have the heart of a servant, with God, you can change the world.
I pray that anyone who reads this, that God will change their hearts, and that the hearts of those servants will be more and more dedicated to serving God and changing the world each time they do an act serving God. And not putting on a show for others, but working behind the scenes for God, not expecting any pats on the back from others.
Don't ever get discouraged and feel like you've stepped on icy terrain, because when you serve God, you're doing laps around the world.
24.11.08
Humility is evidence of thankfulness
Last year, (Though it seems it's been way longer than that) I went on a mission trip to Chile. It was amazing beyond my expectations. There's many different reasons why I would say that, but this gets close to summing it up.
We had two groups on our mission trip, there was group A, (which was the group I was in) and there was group B. Our groups would switch off positions of work. Group A would go from the church we were staying in, then start out the day going to the camp we were to work at. At the camp, there was a house, a half-bulit water tower, an empty space of land where we were to build dorms for college kids. The camp had a section that went down hill, and down the hill was a soccer field, piles of rocks, and there was a river where they did baptisms. Group B would start off going to a school and work with kids in an english class. Each of our groups would work in those two places for a certain amount of time, then we would switch off locations.
We did that for about four days straight. It took a lot out of our group. The whole trip was ten days long, and the whole time I only got three showers, and out of those, only one was a hot one. It was winter down there when we went, and one of the times I took a shower, I was on the verge of hypothermia.
At night we slept in the church, "Inglesia del pacto". There was no heat. All we had were our sweaters and sleeping bags. At night it was probably around 10 degrees farenheit. It was very hard for me to get to sleep, especially the first night. The time we were to wake up changed each time, but on average it was around seven.
The lunches we had were always great to me, it was like american food each time, but dinner was what I feared most. Each time it was a different Chilean food, and most of it was pretty good, but each and every time I ate it, I got sick.
Each morning we had to get up and go to work in the bitter cold weather. It was very wet most of the time down there too. It rained pretty often, so we had to wear boots because of all the mud.
So, the whole trip I was very tired, very sick, and very cold. But I can hardly remember what that all felt like, because there was something going on inside of me that was of much more importance.
At the end of each night, we would have a group meeting and sit in a circle and share the highlights of the day, and our youth leader would speak to us about what we need to work on and other sorts of things. Those nights were always very effective, and always humbling. A couple of the nights, quite a few people broke down in tears, including me.
We got to know a few people there very well, and most, if not all of us in our group made new friends. Quite a few of the people there could speak english, and most of the people who went to the church were around our age. I became very great friends with a few people, including someone who hardly spoke any english. We found out that even though we come from totally different backgrounds, we had a lot in common, and we could especially get along because we are one in Christ.
One of the things that really got to me was the last day we worked. We had accomplished so much, and the people from the church were very thankful. They went around to each and every one of us and washed our feet. It was such an astonishing display of humility. I know I probably wouldn't have done that. We could see how thankful they were that we worked with them with their display of humility.
Everything that happened really humbled me, and if all that I went through on that trip wouldn't have happened, I wouldn't be as thankful for everything as I am today. I could go on for years naming off all the things I'm thankful for.
That was the most effective trip I've went on, and I'm thankful that God put me there. That's the most I've endured in a time frame of ten days, but it got me to the point I'm at with God, and I'm so thankful to have been put in those positions. I throughly enjoyed that trip, and I still feel that bond with the friends I made there, though it's been over a year.
If I had to pick one thing to express my thankfulness for, I would say I'm thankful for where God has put me in my life to serve Him. I would rather be serving Him than doing anything else.
We had two groups on our mission trip, there was group A, (which was the group I was in) and there was group B. Our groups would switch off positions of work. Group A would go from the church we were staying in, then start out the day going to the camp we were to work at. At the camp, there was a house, a half-bulit water tower, an empty space of land where we were to build dorms for college kids. The camp had a section that went down hill, and down the hill was a soccer field, piles of rocks, and there was a river where they did baptisms. Group B would start off going to a school and work with kids in an english class. Each of our groups would work in those two places for a certain amount of time, then we would switch off locations.
We did that for about four days straight. It took a lot out of our group. The whole trip was ten days long, and the whole time I only got three showers, and out of those, only one was a hot one. It was winter down there when we went, and one of the times I took a shower, I was on the verge of hypothermia.
At night we slept in the church, "Inglesia del pacto". There was no heat. All we had were our sweaters and sleeping bags. At night it was probably around 10 degrees farenheit. It was very hard for me to get to sleep, especially the first night. The time we were to wake up changed each time, but on average it was around seven.
The lunches we had were always great to me, it was like american food each time, but dinner was what I feared most. Each time it was a different Chilean food, and most of it was pretty good, but each and every time I ate it, I got sick.
Each morning we had to get up and go to work in the bitter cold weather. It was very wet most of the time down there too. It rained pretty often, so we had to wear boots because of all the mud.
So, the whole trip I was very tired, very sick, and very cold. But I can hardly remember what that all felt like, because there was something going on inside of me that was of much more importance.
At the end of each night, we would have a group meeting and sit in a circle and share the highlights of the day, and our youth leader would speak to us about what we need to work on and other sorts of things. Those nights were always very effective, and always humbling. A couple of the nights, quite a few people broke down in tears, including me.
We got to know a few people there very well, and most, if not all of us in our group made new friends. Quite a few of the people there could speak english, and most of the people who went to the church were around our age. I became very great friends with a few people, including someone who hardly spoke any english. We found out that even though we come from totally different backgrounds, we had a lot in common, and we could especially get along because we are one in Christ.
One of the things that really got to me was the last day we worked. We had accomplished so much, and the people from the church were very thankful. They went around to each and every one of us and washed our feet. It was such an astonishing display of humility. I know I probably wouldn't have done that. We could see how thankful they were that we worked with them with their display of humility.
Everything that happened really humbled me, and if all that I went through on that trip wouldn't have happened, I wouldn't be as thankful for everything as I am today. I could go on for years naming off all the things I'm thankful for.
That was the most effective trip I've went on, and I'm thankful that God put me there. That's the most I've endured in a time frame of ten days, but it got me to the point I'm at with God, and I'm so thankful to have been put in those positions. I throughly enjoyed that trip, and I still feel that bond with the friends I made there, though it's been over a year.
If I had to pick one thing to express my thankfulness for, I would say I'm thankful for where God has put me in my life to serve Him. I would rather be serving Him than doing anything else.
20.11.08
My Supernatural Day
Today, I woke up, not wanting to arise. Why? Because I did know, and yet did not know, what the day had held. (Normally this gives me a positive impulse, but this morning it did not, for today was not a common day.)
How, you ask, did I know what it held?
I did know the routines it held, for I, am one who creates routines that I naturally adapt to.
But this was no ordinary day, I found, for the things that were common to me, I did not desire. The things that were uncommon, and that were out of the ordinary to me, I now had a new desire for.
Instead of waking up feeling I had things that needed to be done, I had a feeling that I could do with this day whatever I desired to make it.
Instead of my usual glass of milk, I enjoyed a cup of coffee, over loaded with sugar and creamer. Normally I wouldn't have done this, but this was not a normal day.
Instead of doing my school work just to get through it, I actually desired to learn from it...for what I desired today, were the things that are not common.
Instead of listening to my usual modern music, I listened to classical, for I desired to, for the things I desired today, were the things I wouldn't have desired any other day, and this was not a common day.
Instead of reading of Harry Potter, I read of Don Quixote. But I desired to, for it was uncommon, and today I desired what was uncommon to me.
Instead of keeping warm inside, I went and sat out in the cold weather. Normally, I wouldn't desire to do this, but I desired this today, for it was an uncommon thing.
(These are very few of the out-of-the-ordinary things I've done today, but just enough to make my point)
It made me realize, that the things I do out of mere routine, are really not all that great, and that I didn't even have much of a desire towards. It also made me realize, that my desires could easily be changed. By what force, you may ask, well that is for you to decide. But I know that force, and It can and will change my desires, so that my common every day things do not become mere routines. I loathe routine, for the definition that comes to my head when I think of routine, I think of it as something you don't necessarily want to do, or desire to do, but something you feel you should do, or something you probably should do. I think there's a whole new word to replace routnine when you actually desire to do something. When you desire to do something, in my opinion, it is not a chore or a routine. Neither of these, but consider the word, "deed." I would say the word deed means to do something productive, merely out of one's own will, and not forced upon them, and even if it is forced upon them, still having the desire to do it. I think if we changed all our routines and chores into deeds, it could bring about a whole meaning to our daily "routines". [deeds]
What would give me that impulse? I don't desire to tell my resources, that is for you yourself to determine, but I stand by my word when I say, that today was no natural occurence; it was supernatural.
I challenge you to live a supernatural day.
How, you ask, did I know what it held?
I did know the routines it held, for I, am one who creates routines that I naturally adapt to.
But this was no ordinary day, I found, for the things that were common to me, I did not desire. The things that were uncommon, and that were out of the ordinary to me, I now had a new desire for.
Instead of waking up feeling I had things that needed to be done, I had a feeling that I could do with this day whatever I desired to make it.
Instead of my usual glass of milk, I enjoyed a cup of coffee, over loaded with sugar and creamer. Normally I wouldn't have done this, but this was not a normal day.
Instead of doing my school work just to get through it, I actually desired to learn from it...for what I desired today, were the things that are not common.
Instead of listening to my usual modern music, I listened to classical, for I desired to, for the things I desired today, were the things I wouldn't have desired any other day, and this was not a common day.
Instead of reading of Harry Potter, I read of Don Quixote. But I desired to, for it was uncommon, and today I desired what was uncommon to me.
Instead of keeping warm inside, I went and sat out in the cold weather. Normally, I wouldn't desire to do this, but I desired this today, for it was an uncommon thing.
(These are very few of the out-of-the-ordinary things I've done today, but just enough to make my point)
It made me realize, that the things I do out of mere routine, are really not all that great, and that I didn't even have much of a desire towards. It also made me realize, that my desires could easily be changed. By what force, you may ask, well that is for you to decide. But I know that force, and It can and will change my desires, so that my common every day things do not become mere routines. I loathe routine, for the definition that comes to my head when I think of routine, I think of it as something you don't necessarily want to do, or desire to do, but something you feel you should do, or something you probably should do. I think there's a whole new word to replace routnine when you actually desire to do something. When you desire to do something, in my opinion, it is not a chore or a routine. Neither of these, but consider the word, "deed." I would say the word deed means to do something productive, merely out of one's own will, and not forced upon them, and even if it is forced upon them, still having the desire to do it. I think if we changed all our routines and chores into deeds, it could bring about a whole meaning to our daily "routines". [deeds]
What would give me that impulse? I don't desire to tell my resources, that is for you yourself to determine, but I stand by my word when I say, that today was no natural occurence; it was supernatural.
I challenge you to live a supernatural day.
17.11.08
Lets Play a Melody
Notes to make a melody
Thousands of chords
Opens a new world to see
A beautiful tune
Coming from laminated boards
A world where the song
Bears the essence of an emotion
It can be as long
Just the length you wish
To carry a strumming motion
Nineteen frets beckoning
With their hunger to show
The tune you're reckoning
That they deserve to play
A tune they beg you to know
With a pick
Fingers
What ever you'd like
Do a trick
Add a singer
Throw in a mic
Just play a tune
One set on your heart
About beauty of the moon
The days you want to live
Or from whom you won't part
Stretch your fingers
Play the blues
Whatever song lingers
Avoid ones with a chance
To make one snooze
Aim for that song
One with passion
You can't go wrong
When the one you play for
Is the one you fashion
15.11.08
My Hopeful Future (Revised for my true Love)
[Love and God are interchangable words]
The moment I felt you took my breath away
I was thankful for my life I'm living today
Just to feel your love, I adore
My sadness absent-- there no more
You turned my tears to abundant glitter
The tears I shed were bitter
I know I don't deserve you
You sent Him to renew
Oh renew me, in all my life
Get me to rid of my strife
Oh lead me to felicity
Keep me away from complicity
Though I'm still young
And my life's rhythm is to be sung
Through all that happens, there will be love
Oh dear love, guide me from above
You know what my future holds
Let your will be
For I know not what lies ahead
But I will know what you have said
This night I'll lay down my head
Put to rest these thoughts I tread
But these feelings will never fade
For I will live the life, for me you have made
The moment I felt you took my breath away
I was thankful for my life I'm living today
Just to feel your love, I adore
My sadness absent-- there no more
You turned my tears to abundant glitter
The tears I shed were bitter
I know I don't deserve you
You sent Him to renew
Oh renew me, in all my life
Get me to rid of my strife
Oh lead me to felicity
Keep me away from complicity
Though I'm still young
And my life's rhythm is to be sung
Through all that happens, there will be love
Oh dear love, guide me from above
You know what my future holds
Let your will be
For I know not what lies ahead
But I will know what you have said
This night I'll lay down my head
Put to rest these thoughts I tread
But these feelings will never fade
For I will live the life, for me you have made
Witherbury
One dreary winter night, the Merton family spent the evening at the Furgeson's manor. They were having a Christmas party a week before the occasion. Everyone danced and sang to traditional Christmas carols, ate pumpkin pie, and entertained each other. Everyone was having a great time, but Percy Merton, a boy of thirteen and short stature, was not having fun. He was only anxious to get back home and retire, for he did not like any of the guests attending. Such as the girl down the street, Harriet. Small and stout, with an incredibly annoying voice, always whining. And that trouble maker boy Gill, always looking to make her upset, which makes her even more annoying. He could barely take it anymore, so Percy went to explore the house for a quiet place away from the jibber-jabber. He left the big living room with the piano that people gathered round and sang carols, and made for the room across the way. He tried the door and found it locked, so searched for another door. Over by a book case, next to a fire place, was a tiny door. He checked to see if anyone were looking. Clear. He paced across the room to the door, tried the knob, and opened it. Inside it was dimly lit with orange candle light and the light from the room he just left. He closed the door. The candle was the only light illuminating the room. He checked along the wall for a switch, felt a small lump, and pushed it upwards. The light illuminated the room from above, and he found that he was in a tiny study. "This very might well be the place I shall spend the rest of the night." He looked around at all the facinating artifacts. Book cases all along the walls with titles he hadn't heard of, and a desk in the middle of the room where the candle sat with a big red, overstuffed chair pushed up to it. He made way for the candle, and blew it out. Percy walked to a book case. He looked at books with titles like, "Taxonomy Vol. 1" and "How to locate Polaris".
"How dreary" he thought to himself. He was nearly through with looking through the books on that particular shelf, when he found a large book that said in bold letters, "Whitherbury."
He wondered aloud, "Whitherbury? How curious." He started to pull out the heavy book, but it wouldn't budge. He stretched his arms, grabbed ahold of the book with a tight grip, and pulled with all his might. He managed to get it to budge an inch, but that's as far as it went. The ground started vibrating, and he looked down at his feet and noticed the vibrations growing gradually. He grabbled ahold of the book case. The room seemed to be tilting downwards from where he was standing. The whole room was shaking with enough force to break anything in that room, but nothing did. It was as if everything were glued to it's place. The room kept tilting, and Percy knew in a few seconds, he'd have to sit on the bookcase, for the room will have tilted so that the bookcase was the floor beneath him. Now everything that was on the floor was now on the wall, and the room continued to spin. Percy ran across the books to what was now the center of the room, and stood by a portrait of some strange man. the room kept turning and was soon sloping downwards towards the white ceiling. Percy sat down on the wall, or the floor, and let himself slide down to the ceiling. He laughed out loud with joy, for he had never thought his horrible evening would turn out to be such fun. His feet hit the ceiling, and what was the floor was now turning into the wall, and what was supposed to be the floor was now the celing. everything was still in it's original place. Percy stayed away from where the desk was hanging on the ceiling, in fear that any minute it would fall on top of him. The room stopped vibrating, and Percy jumped with joy in his place, but stopped as soon as he felt the room yet again vibrating. He looked to where an empty space on the wall was next to a book case, and saw a huge piece protruding out of the wall, door shaped. It came out and slid to the right and revealed something beyond it that wasn't there before. Percy stared in amazement.
"How dreary" he thought to himself. He was nearly through with looking through the books on that particular shelf, when he found a large book that said in bold letters, "Whitherbury."
He wondered aloud, "Whitherbury? How curious." He started to pull out the heavy book, but it wouldn't budge. He stretched his arms, grabbed ahold of the book with a tight grip, and pulled with all his might. He managed to get it to budge an inch, but that's as far as it went. The ground started vibrating, and he looked down at his feet and noticed the vibrations growing gradually. He grabbled ahold of the book case. The room seemed to be tilting downwards from where he was standing. The whole room was shaking with enough force to break anything in that room, but nothing did. It was as if everything were glued to it's place. The room kept tilting, and Percy knew in a few seconds, he'd have to sit on the bookcase, for the room will have tilted so that the bookcase was the floor beneath him. Now everything that was on the floor was now on the wall, and the room continued to spin. Percy ran across the books to what was now the center of the room, and stood by a portrait of some strange man. the room kept turning and was soon sloping downwards towards the white ceiling. Percy sat down on the wall, or the floor, and let himself slide down to the ceiling. He laughed out loud with joy, for he had never thought his horrible evening would turn out to be such fun. His feet hit the ceiling, and what was the floor was now turning into the wall, and what was supposed to be the floor was now the celing. everything was still in it's original place. Percy stayed away from where the desk was hanging on the ceiling, in fear that any minute it would fall on top of him. The room stopped vibrating, and Percy jumped with joy in his place, but stopped as soon as he felt the room yet again vibrating. He looked to where an empty space on the wall was next to a book case, and saw a huge piece protruding out of the wall, door shaped. It came out and slid to the right and revealed something beyond it that wasn't there before. Percy stared in amazement.
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